Gen Z dating: How emotional distance is a core element of today’s dating culture

This study also found a 56% increase in dismissive attachment style particularly (Rosier, 2025).

Every new generation carries with them a change in attitude towards romantic relationships. Reflecting these changes, dating norms and expectations also change to reflect their new attitudes, values and beliefs. Compared to previous generations, Gen Z’s attachment patterns have become increasingly insecure. While it was estimated to be around 45% previously, in Gen Z it has been found to be around 60% in a sample of American college students. This study also found a 56% increase in dismissive attachment style particularly (Rosier, 2025).

Fears of losing independence, low levels of trust, negative views of others, focusing on imperfections in partners, and a fear of emotional intimacy are characteristics of dismissive attachment. (Bartholomew & Horowitz, 1991, as cited in Rosier, 2025). Attachment plays a critical role in how we perceive ourselves, others, and our relationships, making the sharp rise in dismissive attachment styles critical to understanding modern dating culture.

How does dismissive attachment style manifest in dating practices?
Most gen Zers prefer to meet someone through a dating app. This is supported by attachment theory since people with dismissive attachments may prefer the perceived control they experience through using dating apps, as well as the anonymity and emotional distance that it provides them. It also allows them to control the vulnerability that is associated with rejection, which is more intense in face-to-face interactions. Another common method of connecting with someone was through social media platforms (Rosier, 2025).

With dismissively attached adults, it is common for them to distance themselves when the conversation or the relationship is getting too serious. Gen Z partners abruptly end relationships or distance themselves when they get ‘the ick’. The ick is described as when a partner’s actions or words are perceived as embarrassing or humiliating. Rather than being vulnerable and showing emotional investment, partners would rather distance themselves and maintain their sense of independence (Rosier, 2025).

Emotional expressions in relationships are carefully calculated, with emotional attachment looked down upon in the initial stages of a relationship. Particularly, withholding vulnerability is seen as a defense mechanism for the shame and rejection that could be experienced if the relationship ends. To prevent the pain and shame associated with rejection, young adults avoid opening up. Due to the unwillingness to be vulnerable on both sides, this leads to an ‘emotional stalemate’ where both sides are trying to manage the risk they take by waiting for the other to take the lead. There is a clear power dynamic in these situations, where whoever takes that initial risk is already on the ‘losing’ side due to being viewed as more invested and vulnerable and therefore having more to lose if the relationship ends. Emotional intimacy is also avoided due to the cultural connotation of being weak that is attached with being vulnerable and emotionally expressive. Emotions are used as bargaining chips of power, with both sides not realizing that at the end no one really wins (Denby & Hooff, 2024).

The rise of situationships
The growing societal trend which gives importance to autonomy and non-committal values can also be seen in the manifestation of situationships. These are relationships without any label, and often quite ambiguous. Partners in situationships do not discuss the future direction of their relationship, and emotional connections are surface-level. These occur due to poor communication or attachment fears. Due to the ambiguous nature of situationships, there is often anxiety about the future of the situationship and hesitancy towards commitment (Aghera et al., 2025).

This generation’s greater focus on independence and individualism could be explained by the concept of emerging adulthood, which is where individuals between the ages of 18 to 25 experience “identity exploration, instability, self-focus, feeling in-between, and possibilities” (Anderson & Phillips, 2026). This developmental stage is also characterized by a self-focused orientation, limiting the emotional availability necessary for committed relationships, leading to situationships instead (Anderson & Phillips, 2026).

The role of dating apps and social media
Being in an era where people prefer to explore relationships on dating apps, a plethora of options also leads to the view that there is always something better, which could be further inhibiting deeper emotional bonds. The mindset of perpetual alternatives leads to people struggling to stay committed due to lower satisfaction with current matches because of the belief that they will find someone better in subsequent matches. Social media also plays a role in the feelings of inadequacy within relationships. Viewing others changing relationships frequently or seeing a particular relationship dynamic online may lead people to feel that their investment in their relationship is not justified since they could find someone better, similar to what they view online. This constant awareness of options leads to less emotional investment in relationships (Anderson & Phillips, 2026).

In a study by Pronk & Denissen (2019) it was found that a high number of partner options led to a rejection mindset. The mindset of rejection developed when people were presented with a large number of options to choose from and the more people they already rejected, the more likely they were to reject going forward. This could help explain the heightened anxiety surrounding modern dating since dating apps and social media present almost unlimited options of potential partners to choose from, and the risk of rejection is a lot higher.

In these types of ambiguous relationships, anxiety may not be perceived as a negative feeling. A well-known study found a link between anxiety and sexual attraction. This would mean that while situationships and emotional unavailability might cause anxiety, they might still be pursued since this anxiety is being interpreted instead as chemistry (Dutton & Aron, 1974).

What about those who do approach dating with emotional availability?
The end goal of dating often remains being in a long-term, serious and committed relationship. However due to the dismissive culture of gen Z dating, there is often frustration with the ease with which relationships are ended, which happens very commonly, and can be very difficult to cope with. Modern dating culture fosters emotional distance, while those who approach dating with openness and emotional availability may be left disappointed, or often made to adapt to the current trends irrespective of whether that reflects their true nature. Since many individuals do desire a deep connection despite taking part in dismissive practices, they experience cognitive dissonance due to conflict between their true desires and real actions. To resolve this conflict, they may rationalize their actions by telling themselves that it is fun, or that commitment is for a time in the past, while others may try to pretend as though their desire for connection is lower than it really is (Rosier, 2025).

Ultimately, modern dating culture fosters dismissive practices. These practices reflect larger societal trends prioritizing independence and autonomy. The identification of emerging adulthood beliefs, the abundance of choice present with online dating, vulnerability and emotional intimacy being treated as bargaining chips of power, and the emergence of situationships all contribute to the dismissive dating culture. The current culture pushes people who do approach dating with emotional availability to adapt to these practices despite it not reflecting their true nature, with vulnerability being perceived as weak. This culture will lead to eroded trust due to emotional uncertainty. It eventually may even change perspectives on the value of human life.

To promote healthier dating practices, it’s important for emotionally unavailable partners to reflect and recognize that their actions may be hurtful to their partner. Reflection and self-improvement in collaboration with their partner could help their relationship move towards a more secure attachment. Once at least the realization of their dating patterns is identified, therapy would be a good path to improving and forming a more secure attachment and being emotionally available.

Authors: Rhea Srivastava, Undergraduate Student, FLAME University; and Prof. Moitrayee Das, Faculty of Psychology, FLAME University.